Dear Eve,
My name is Tony,38 years of age.I started masturbation from my adolescent age since then till know I don't have the urge to engage in sexual relationship with the opposite sex,I satisfy myself only through masturbation anytime I have the urge for sex.After each masturbation I feel weak and hate myself.Please how do I stop it.
Dear Tony,
The challenges you have having is normal,this is a thing you started and know it has become a habit.Its normal to have sexual urge its natural but you are going through the satisfaction channel the wrong way.so you need to take some few steps to overcome the addiction.
1)The first step....Talk to a someone.someone you can trust in his intergrity.it can be a friend,your pastor or an elder around you,This person will stand by you with words and encouragement to pull you through.dont be ashamed to let another person know about your addiction many people has different habits and addictions and you can drop your addiction mostly through the help of people's encouragement and support.The best way to be free from addiction is to let people know about it,many great people came public with their drug issues before they can stop.
2)Avoid Being Alone....You have to bring yourself outdoors most time.Dont be too long in a place alone.At times when you have free time go out to visit friends,instead of watching football matches in your home watch it in a public viewing centers.Go for movies in the cinema instead of doing it alone in your home,this will help you not to think or remember anything you are addicted to because your mind will be too occupied with other activities.
3)Bring Out The Creativity In You.....Get out of your comfort zone,engage in activities that will bring out the creativity in you.It can be your normal hobby like reading books,exercising,you can join a band.It will keep your mind away from sexual urge.
4)Take It To God....Pray to God to help you overcome your addiction.Let him know that you can not do it by yourself.Remembe the bible said we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.By his Grace alone will be able to overcome.
5)Remove Things that will bring up the Urge....like pornoghrapic movies and games.Avoid pornoghrapic pictures or movies.occupy your mind with different things that can take away mind far away from sex.Read Whe you are alone,pray or do other little activities that can make your mind pure.Goodluck
Sunday 14 May 2017
Wednesday 10 May 2017
I hate My Parents After I Found Out That I Was Adopted
Dear Eve,
For 26 years I have lived happily with the people I believe are my parents.My mom always take good care of me from my childhood,she scold me when necessary,we fight and make up infact our family was a sweet one and my Father was my best friend until two years ago.
One Sunday morning I returned home from church but my parents weren't back yet,A man was sitting on the gate post him.The man wore the look of anxiety when he saw me,I greeted him and he stood up from his sit and hugged me.All my though is that he might be a distance uncle who has come to visit our house.I ushered him into the sitting room and gave him water to drink on his request.When my parents came back in the afternoon and saw the man,They weren't pleased.Infact my Dad left his stretched hands for hand shake hanging in the hair,he walked away.My mother stood dried up in the sitting room and couldn't move for a while.I saw my mother dry up at once like someone who saw a ghost.After waiting in vain for my parents to come out from their room for countless hours the man left.
From that day,my parents became more caring towards me.My mother would call me more eight times a day to check up on me.My father wouldn't allow me leave his sight but all these I didn't read meaning to it.The strange'man visit continued but this time in more frequent mode.After five visits,the man came one day with one man and a woman.On that day they held endless conversations with my parents.At a point I could hear my mother saying"we can't,we will not do it"
The visitation of the three strangers came to an end one evening and that have left my life in a mess.My parents weren't at home that evening,I was about going to the field to play ball with my friend when I heard the gateman screaming on top of his voice,he was telling the person to go back,when the shouting from the gateman became intense I came out at that point to find out what the problem was,I wasn't surprised to find out that it was the woman who always come with that man.She said she wanted to see me,why me ma my parents are not at home?She said I should go home with her because I'm her son.I let out a laugh because it was like a joke.I told her that I don't understand what she was saying.She said am her son again,at that point I left her there and went to the field with my friend.When I got to the field I played like never before because I felt the woman was not normal or has a hidden agenda.
After dinner that night,I told my parents what happened,I ecpected my parents to laugh or deny it rather they were both shocked and quite.I nearly past out,the walls became smaller and my eyes were filled with tears.But the main shocker was when mom Woke me up the next morning,she and my Father were sitting on my bed.My father narrated to me how he and my mother tried for so many years to conceive but couldn't.His friend who happened to be that first man that came to the house told him one day about a girl who has gotten pregnant after being raped.The girl agreed to sell the the baby to my parents and my parents took care of her until she delivered the baby and that was me.My parents sent her away with hug amount of money and I became theirs.Now the lady wants me back but my parents refused to let me go.That was why the man came but my parents refused to listen to his reasons at the point where he got frustrated,he had to come with my birth mother and her brother to come and talk to my parents yet my parents refused to give me back and threatened to sue them.
From that moment I hated my parents and my so called birth mother.i became confused about what I'm,who I'm and what the future hold for me.The most devastating part is that I was a product of rape.
I left home four days later,with my little allowance I relocated to Ghana.The last time I heard from anyone from home is from my friend.He told me how my birth mother arrested my adoptive parents after they couldn't provide me.She alleged that my adoptive parents might have harmed me or hide me.They case has been in the court and now I feel home sick.i don't know if it should be wise to return home.
Please what do I do?
Onome.
Dear Onome,
I know you suppose to feel the way you felt when you learnt that you were adopted but you were wrong by living home.It was no one's fault that you came to the world through such circumstances but fate.
Now,you must return home to your adoptive parents.They were there for you when no one else was.They cleaned up and fed you love now you don't owe them anything but love until you do this inner peace you might not find because you are not at peace with your past.They didnt want to give you back to your birth mother because they have loved you,they don't want to loose you.They didn't tell you either because most time adoptive parents think your ego might be hurt or you will withdraw from them that is the reason most of them hide the truth from their adopted children.You have to return home and apologize to them,give them back the love they gave to you and find out why your birth mother wants you back then it's your decision to decided whether to return to your birth mother or stay with your adoptive parents.
Know that even though the circumstances around your birth might not be rosy but the truth is that you are a special child.God loves you and have a great destiny prepared for you that's why he created you at first.Then you must have to accept the truth and forget any other thing and focus on fulfilling God's purpose for your life.you might've think that the society might come to say things about you but no people are busy with their lives to care what happens in your life.so Goodluck as you take the bold step.
For 26 years I have lived happily with the people I believe are my parents.My mom always take good care of me from my childhood,she scold me when necessary,we fight and make up infact our family was a sweet one and my Father was my best friend until two years ago.
One Sunday morning I returned home from church but my parents weren't back yet,A man was sitting on the gate post him.The man wore the look of anxiety when he saw me,I greeted him and he stood up from his sit and hugged me.All my though is that he might be a distance uncle who has come to visit our house.I ushered him into the sitting room and gave him water to drink on his request.When my parents came back in the afternoon and saw the man,They weren't pleased.Infact my Dad left his stretched hands for hand shake hanging in the hair,he walked away.My mother stood dried up in the sitting room and couldn't move for a while.I saw my mother dry up at once like someone who saw a ghost.After waiting in vain for my parents to come out from their room for countless hours the man left.
From that day,my parents became more caring towards me.My mother would call me more eight times a day to check up on me.My father wouldn't allow me leave his sight but all these I didn't read meaning to it.The strange'man visit continued but this time in more frequent mode.After five visits,the man came one day with one man and a woman.On that day they held endless conversations with my parents.At a point I could hear my mother saying"we can't,we will not do it"
The visitation of the three strangers came to an end one evening and that have left my life in a mess.My parents weren't at home that evening,I was about going to the field to play ball with my friend when I heard the gateman screaming on top of his voice,he was telling the person to go back,when the shouting from the gateman became intense I came out at that point to find out what the problem was,I wasn't surprised to find out that it was the woman who always come with that man.She said she wanted to see me,why me ma my parents are not at home?She said I should go home with her because I'm her son.I let out a laugh because it was like a joke.I told her that I don't understand what she was saying.She said am her son again,at that point I left her there and went to the field with my friend.When I got to the field I played like never before because I felt the woman was not normal or has a hidden agenda.
After dinner that night,I told my parents what happened,I ecpected my parents to laugh or deny it rather they were both shocked and quite.I nearly past out,the walls became smaller and my eyes were filled with tears.But the main shocker was when mom Woke me up the next morning,she and my Father were sitting on my bed.My father narrated to me how he and my mother tried for so many years to conceive but couldn't.His friend who happened to be that first man that came to the house told him one day about a girl who has gotten pregnant after being raped.The girl agreed to sell the the baby to my parents and my parents took care of her until she delivered the baby and that was me.My parents sent her away with hug amount of money and I became theirs.Now the lady wants me back but my parents refused to let me go.That was why the man came but my parents refused to listen to his reasons at the point where he got frustrated,he had to come with my birth mother and her brother to come and talk to my parents yet my parents refused to give me back and threatened to sue them.
From that moment I hated my parents and my so called birth mother.i became confused about what I'm,who I'm and what the future hold for me.The most devastating part is that I was a product of rape.
I left home four days later,with my little allowance I relocated to Ghana.The last time I heard from anyone from home is from my friend.He told me how my birth mother arrested my adoptive parents after they couldn't provide me.She alleged that my adoptive parents might have harmed me or hide me.They case has been in the court and now I feel home sick.i don't know if it should be wise to return home.
Please what do I do?
Onome.
Dear Onome,
I know you suppose to feel the way you felt when you learnt that you were adopted but you were wrong by living home.It was no one's fault that you came to the world through such circumstances but fate.
Now,you must return home to your adoptive parents.They were there for you when no one else was.They cleaned up and fed you love now you don't owe them anything but love until you do this inner peace you might not find because you are not at peace with your past.They didnt want to give you back to your birth mother because they have loved you,they don't want to loose you.They didn't tell you either because most time adoptive parents think your ego might be hurt or you will withdraw from them that is the reason most of them hide the truth from their adopted children.You have to return home and apologize to them,give them back the love they gave to you and find out why your birth mother wants you back then it's your decision to decided whether to return to your birth mother or stay with your adoptive parents.
Know that even though the circumstances around your birth might not be rosy but the truth is that you are a special child.God loves you and have a great destiny prepared for you that's why he created you at first.Then you must have to accept the truth and forget any other thing and focus on fulfilling God's purpose for your life.you might've think that the society might come to say things about you but no people are busy with their lives to care what happens in your life.so Goodluck as you take the bold step.
Sunday 7 May 2017
My childhood experience of Domestic Violence In My Home Is The Reason Why I Don't Want To Get Married.
Dear Eve,
As a little boy up till my years as a teenager I always witness my father brutalize my mother.I and my siblings grew up in our home where my father will leave the house for days and return home drunk after several days.The cries and shouts of our mother became the bell that wakes up every night.This was my experience as a child.My Father would complain of every little thing,he beats mother until she wouldn't be able to scream again.After one particular fight he had with mother the young men around our vicinity chained him and beat him mercilessly.A day never past without my mother have a bleeding face.
Now I'm a man of thirty-five,though I been involved with ladies in the past but I don't want to settle down,I'm afraid that my home might turn into the home I grew up in.The experience I had as a child scares me away from getting married.i don't even want to have kids infact am scared of raising a family because of level of domestic violence I experienced in my home as a child.What can I do in this issue.
Theo.
Dear Theo,
To overcome this issue you need to understand that marriage is an institution ordained by God,it's a blessing that's why the bible said that he who finds a wife has found a good thing and obtained Favour from God.That is to say that not only that marriage is meant to be a blessing but also put you in a good relationship with God.
It's unfortunate that the marriage between your parents was opposite of good but that shouldn't make you conclude that yours will be like that.Infact I want you to know that the outcome of your marriage depends on you.your parents had a bad marriage that doesn't mean yours will be like that.Make a decision to be different from your father,be determined to be a good husband and a good father in your home and above all be at peace with God.
Erase the thought of your childhood experience from your mind,don't allow the past to define what your life should become.Whay you experienced had become a past which You should learn from it do not dwell in it.You haven't let go of your past which is too bad because it will keep on hurting you until you let go.Allow your heart to fall in love,build a home and prosper for that is the will of God for you.
As a little boy up till my years as a teenager I always witness my father brutalize my mother.I and my siblings grew up in our home where my father will leave the house for days and return home drunk after several days.The cries and shouts of our mother became the bell that wakes up every night.This was my experience as a child.My Father would complain of every little thing,he beats mother until she wouldn't be able to scream again.After one particular fight he had with mother the young men around our vicinity chained him and beat him mercilessly.A day never past without my mother have a bleeding face.
Now I'm a man of thirty-five,though I been involved with ladies in the past but I don't want to settle down,I'm afraid that my home might turn into the home I grew up in.The experience I had as a child scares me away from getting married.i don't even want to have kids infact am scared of raising a family because of level of domestic violence I experienced in my home as a child.What can I do in this issue.
Theo.
Dear Theo,
To overcome this issue you need to understand that marriage is an institution ordained by God,it's a blessing that's why the bible said that he who finds a wife has found a good thing and obtained Favour from God.That is to say that not only that marriage is meant to be a blessing but also put you in a good relationship with God.
It's unfortunate that the marriage between your parents was opposite of good but that shouldn't make you conclude that yours will be like that.Infact I want you to know that the outcome of your marriage depends on you.your parents had a bad marriage that doesn't mean yours will be like that.Make a decision to be different from your father,be determined to be a good husband and a good father in your home and above all be at peace with God.
Erase the thought of your childhood experience from your mind,don't allow the past to define what your life should become.Whay you experienced had become a past which You should learn from it do not dwell in it.You haven't let go of your past which is too bad because it will keep on hurting you until you let go.Allow your heart to fall in love,build a home and prosper for that is the will of God for you.
Tuesday 2 May 2017
Could It Be A Spiritual Attack:My Baby Cries Most Of The Time
Dear Eve,
My baby cries a lot,He is my first baby.Most times when he cries I think he is being attacked spiritually and this scare me.The Father is an oil worker,he is mostly offshore for months so we are always alone.I have done everything but he won't stop crying.
Should I take him to a spiritual house or a medical center....
Mrs Joyce Ekanem.
Dear Mrs Joyce,
I'm so sorry for what you are passing through,I know it must be very frustrating being your first time in motherhood.But I don't think your child has a spiritual issues.Just read below and see the reasons why babies cry and what to do about it.
1)HUNGER....This is probably the first that comes to mind when a baby cries.Learning to recognize the signs of hunger is the best step in motherhood because it wil will help you feed your baby at the right time.Some hunger signs in newborns include fussing,Lip smacking,rooting(you will notice this when the newborn reflex that makes babies turn their head toward your hand when you stroke their cheeks)It is also a sign of hunger when he starts putting their to their mouth.
2)Stomach Problems.....From Gas And Colic
Tummy upsets associated with gas or colic can lead to lots of crying.The mysterious condition known as colic is usually described as inconsolable crying for atleast three weeks in a row.If your baby often fuss and cry right after being fed,he maybe expressing some sort of tummy pain.one of the known remedy is anti gas drops for babies or gripe water.(it can be herbal or bicarbonate)It has not been proven effective but gets your doctors approval before usage of any of these.
Even if your child isn't colicky and has never been fussy after eating,an occasional bout of gas pain can make her miserable until it passes.If you suspect gas,try putting her on her back,grasping his feet,and moving his legs in a gentle bicycling motion.when you notice that your baby is expresssing gassy,give the baby infant gas drop,Lay him on the bed on her back.Gently push her knees up to his belly in a rocking motion,talk to the baby or sing for him soon the baby would let out some farts and will be fine.
And if the baby's pant is snug elastic waist,pull the waistband away from the belly to see if it helps.
Sometimes that little bit of pressure hurts their tummy.
3)Wants To Be Held.....Babies most times love being cuddled.They like to see their parent's face,Hear their voices and listen to their heartbeats,They can even detect their smell.crying can be their way of asking to be held close.
4)Teething Pains......Teething can be painful as each new tooth pushes through the tender young gums.Some babies suffer more than others,but all are likely to be fussy and tearful from teething at some point.if your baby seems to be in pain and you're not sure why try feeling his gums with fingers.You may be surprised to discover the hard nub of emerging baby tooth.NOTE teething in new babies on average breaks through between 4 and 7 months but it can still happen earlier.
5)Wants More Stimulation....A demanding baby may be outgoing and eager to see the world.And often the only way to stop the crying and fussing is to stay active.This can be exhausting for you.
Try wearing your baby facing out in a front carrier.So he can see all the activities around him.Plan plenty activities.Hang out with parents with babies,Go on regular outings to kid friendly places such as local playground,Children's museum or a visit to the zoo.
6)Wants Less Stimulation....
Babies learn from the stimulation of the world around them but sometimes they have a hard time processing it all.The lights,the noise, being passed from hand to hand can be too much for the baby and crying can be the babies only way of saying I've had enough.
7)Too Hot Or Cold....
If your baby feels chilly,like when you remove his clothes to change a diaper or clean her bottom with a cold wipe,he may protest by crying.
Newborns like to be bundled up and kept warm.But not too warm,As a rule,they're comfortable wearing one more layer than needs to be comfortable.
Babies are less likely to complain about being too warm than being too cold and they won't about as vigorously.
8)Something painful and card to notice....
Babies can be troubled by something as hard to spot as a hair wrapped tightly around a tiny toe or finger.cutting of circulation(Hair tourniquet in medieval term)it's one of the first thing doctors look for in babies that cries for no reason.Some babies are extra sensitive to things like scratchy clothing tags or fabric.And can be picky about subtleties ranging from the position they're held in to the bottle you offer.
Sometimes you need to put yourself in your baby's shoe to understand his problems.Ask yourself if your finger or foot stuck or cramped how will you feel?do you need to change the way you are string or lying down.All this will help you detect what your baby needs.
9)Needs To Burp....
Burping isn't mandatory.Bit if your baby cries after am being fed,a good burp might be all he wants.babies swallow air when feeding and this may cause discomfort if the air isn't released.Some babies are intensely bothered by having air in their tummy.While others do t seem to burp or needs to be burped much at all.
10)Sleep....
It can be that the baby is tired and I need of sleep.tired babies should just doze off right?but it's harder for them that we might realize.most babies may fuss and cry whenever they are over tired
After feeding,played with,played with and your baby starts crying and fussing,he might be overtired.Just cuddle him close,talk to him and let him cry after a while he will sleep off.
11)Dirty Diaper.Some babies let you know right away when they need to be changed.Others can tolerate a dirty diaper for a while.
12)Not Feeling Well....
If you've met your baby basic needs and comforted him and he still crying.He could be coming down with fever.
Note:Thr cry of a sick baby tends to be distinct fronone caused by hunger or frustration.Id your baby's crying just doesn't sound "right"your instinct may be right then you need to se a doctor.
What To Do If Your Baby Still Cries...Well fed?checked and changed diaper?No fever?Dont panic,your baby is just being a baby.He has his own good reason but can't tell you what's wrong and no parent even the wisest ones can read their child's mind.Just comfort him even if he can tell you why he is still crying.
My baby cries a lot,He is my first baby.Most times when he cries I think he is being attacked spiritually and this scare me.The Father is an oil worker,he is mostly offshore for months so we are always alone.I have done everything but he won't stop crying.
Should I take him to a spiritual house or a medical center....
Mrs Joyce Ekanem.
Dear Mrs Joyce,
I'm so sorry for what you are passing through,I know it must be very frustrating being your first time in motherhood.But I don't think your child has a spiritual issues.Just read below and see the reasons why babies cry and what to do about it.
1)HUNGER....This is probably the first that comes to mind when a baby cries.Learning to recognize the signs of hunger is the best step in motherhood because it wil will help you feed your baby at the right time.Some hunger signs in newborns include fussing,Lip smacking,rooting(you will notice this when the newborn reflex that makes babies turn their head toward your hand when you stroke their cheeks)It is also a sign of hunger when he starts putting their to their mouth.
2)Stomach Problems.....From Gas And Colic
Tummy upsets associated with gas or colic can lead to lots of crying.The mysterious condition known as colic is usually described as inconsolable crying for atleast three weeks in a row.If your baby often fuss and cry right after being fed,he maybe expressing some sort of tummy pain.one of the known remedy is anti gas drops for babies or gripe water.(it can be herbal or bicarbonate)It has not been proven effective but gets your doctors approval before usage of any of these.
Even if your child isn't colicky and has never been fussy after eating,an occasional bout of gas pain can make her miserable until it passes.If you suspect gas,try putting her on her back,grasping his feet,and moving his legs in a gentle bicycling motion.when you notice that your baby is expresssing gassy,give the baby infant gas drop,Lay him on the bed on her back.Gently push her knees up to his belly in a rocking motion,talk to the baby or sing for him soon the baby would let out some farts and will be fine.
And if the baby's pant is snug elastic waist,pull the waistband away from the belly to see if it helps.
Sometimes that little bit of pressure hurts their tummy.
3)Wants To Be Held.....Babies most times love being cuddled.They like to see their parent's face,Hear their voices and listen to their heartbeats,They can even detect their smell.crying can be their way of asking to be held close.
4)Teething Pains......Teething can be painful as each new tooth pushes through the tender young gums.Some babies suffer more than others,but all are likely to be fussy and tearful from teething at some point.if your baby seems to be in pain and you're not sure why try feeling his gums with fingers.You may be surprised to discover the hard nub of emerging baby tooth.NOTE teething in new babies on average breaks through between 4 and 7 months but it can still happen earlier.
5)Wants More Stimulation....A demanding baby may be outgoing and eager to see the world.And often the only way to stop the crying and fussing is to stay active.This can be exhausting for you.
Try wearing your baby facing out in a front carrier.So he can see all the activities around him.Plan plenty activities.Hang out with parents with babies,Go on regular outings to kid friendly places such as local playground,Children's museum or a visit to the zoo.
6)Wants Less Stimulation....
Babies learn from the stimulation of the world around them but sometimes they have a hard time processing it all.The lights,the noise, being passed from hand to hand can be too much for the baby and crying can be the babies only way of saying I've had enough.
7)Too Hot Or Cold....
If your baby feels chilly,like when you remove his clothes to change a diaper or clean her bottom with a cold wipe,he may protest by crying.
Newborns like to be bundled up and kept warm.But not too warm,As a rule,they're comfortable wearing one more layer than needs to be comfortable.
Babies are less likely to complain about being too warm than being too cold and they won't about as vigorously.
8)Something painful and card to notice....
Babies can be troubled by something as hard to spot as a hair wrapped tightly around a tiny toe or finger.cutting of circulation(Hair tourniquet in medieval term)it's one of the first thing doctors look for in babies that cries for no reason.Some babies are extra sensitive to things like scratchy clothing tags or fabric.And can be picky about subtleties ranging from the position they're held in to the bottle you offer.
Sometimes you need to put yourself in your baby's shoe to understand his problems.Ask yourself if your finger or foot stuck or cramped how will you feel?do you need to change the way you are string or lying down.All this will help you detect what your baby needs.
9)Needs To Burp....
Burping isn't mandatory.Bit if your baby cries after am being fed,a good burp might be all he wants.babies swallow air when feeding and this may cause discomfort if the air isn't released.Some babies are intensely bothered by having air in their tummy.While others do t seem to burp or needs to be burped much at all.
10)Sleep....
It can be that the baby is tired and I need of sleep.tired babies should just doze off right?but it's harder for them that we might realize.most babies may fuss and cry whenever they are over tired
After feeding,played with,played with and your baby starts crying and fussing,he might be overtired.Just cuddle him close,talk to him and let him cry after a while he will sleep off.
11)Dirty Diaper.Some babies let you know right away when they need to be changed.Others can tolerate a dirty diaper for a while.
12)Not Feeling Well....
If you've met your baby basic needs and comforted him and he still crying.He could be coming down with fever.
Note:Thr cry of a sick baby tends to be distinct fronone caused by hunger or frustration.Id your baby's crying just doesn't sound "right"your instinct may be right then you need to se a doctor.
What To Do If Your Baby Still Cries...Well fed?checked and changed diaper?No fever?Dont panic,your baby is just being a baby.He has his own good reason but can't tell you what's wrong and no parent even the wisest ones can read their child's mind.Just comfort him even if he can tell you why he is still crying.
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